October has been a restless month for me. I’m at that stage in my life after graduating from college where a lot of my friends are attending or applying to graduate school/medical school/pharmacy school/[insert name] school after undergraduate college. Seeing that was a little hard (ok, really hard) on me. Of course, of course, I’m proud of them for going for their goals. At the same time, there’s a part of me that can’t help but feel jealous at the places they’re going, the adventures they’re having, the dreams they’re one step closer to achieving.
I constantly remind myself that I’ll get there eventually. That I’m not taking this gap year off for no reason. That I’m trying to build up my resume. But soon doubt starts to slither in like some unwanted weed in your garden that just springs up randomly just to annoy the hell out of you. I should have started earlier, then I could have applied earlier. Am I doing everything I can right now? Am I making the right decision right now? Should I even stick with this career if I’m delayed or if I get rejected? Am I rushing?
The odd thing is I remedied this #FOMO (fear of missing out) of mine by being selfish and focusing on myself. As I wasn’t already selfish enough lol. I will continue to work and as long as I make progress, however little, I’m ok with it. Sometimes it’s hard to forget that life is not a race however much I feel like it might be and rushing myself will only make things worse as I’ve learned the hard way. Obviously, there will be days when this jealousy and FOMO and whatever I have will be almost suffocating and days where it doesn’t even exist for me at all but I suppose that’s just the nature of it. Don’t even get me started on seeing a lot of my friends being all happy with their significant others or getting married or even having kids o.o…
…Moving on, Halloween happened this month. That obviously means going to the pumpkin patch even when there is 80 something degree weather outside.
I definitely was not wearing the right clothing but I’ve been so obsessed with leggings and boots this month. I recently bought a pair of brown combat boots (finally) and I wear them all the time.
I swear to god I feel as though there are more trick or treaters every year because my sister and I weren’t even walking for like an hour before every house seemed to put up the sign “sorry no more candy” which made my little cousin scream everytime lol.
Aside from that, I did the usual which was hang out with friends and eat with them haha.
And of course, I have to include some music. I listened to some Kygo this month (EDM). My favorites were Stay and Firestone. I also discovered the spotify playlist Atmospheric rock which I freaking love. This is one of the songs: The Plains of Dover by Ceilidah. It’s so soothing but transporting at the same time. It’s nice to listen to when you’re studying.
And once again, another kpop discovery..I discovered Super Junior! My favorites of the month were: Sweater and Jeans, Growing Pains, and The Beat Goes On. I think they go from upbeat to melancholic so effortlessly.
As for next month, I’m so pumped to vote Election Day. Don’t forget to vote btw! And always I’m thinking of renaming these monthly favorites to monthly reflections. It’s more of a formality that anything because I’ll still have favorites, I just like to reflect on the month along with the favorites so the name change sounds better I think.