I was flipping though my copy of The Fault in Our Stars today and I remember reading The Fault in Our Stars for the first time and reading this quote. I remember pausing a little to read it again because it was so beautifully accurate. Whatever faults I have with this book (pun intended) I know that this is one of my favorite quotes of all time. [SPOILER] It’s the part when Hazel is eulogizing Augustus in the church? before he dies. I don’t remember where.
“I can’t talk about our love story, so I will talk about math. I am not a mathematician, but I know this: There are infinite numbers between 0 and 1. There’s .1 and .12 and .112 and infinite collection of others. Of course, there is a Bigger infinite set of numbers between 0 and 2, or between 0 and a million. Some infinities are bigger than other infinities. A writer we used to like taught us that. There are days, many of them, when I resent the size of my unbounded set. I want more numbers than I’m likely to get, and God, I want more numbers for Augustus Waters than he got. But, Gus, my love, I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I’m grateful.”
I love this quote because I love the feeling of feeling infinite. Perks of Being a Wallflower touched on this too. But more than that, it perfectly captures in better ways than most quotes what it’s like to truly be living in one moment and falling in love with it.
At first, I wondered, what does it mean to feel infinite. Infinite? Like you mean, feeling like you’re immortal? feeling like you could take on the world? Tossing your cares to the wind? Rolling? 😉 Check all of the above.
But I’ve come to realize that infinite moments aren’t necessary the big ones, the ones where something momentous happens to you, although that is certainly would boost your mood. When I feel infinite, it is when I’m riding in the passenger seat with my friends, on a breezy cold night, driving back to my apartment but instead turning the car around and going to a restaurant an hour away. It is when we spontaneously decide to go to the beach at midnight on a Tuesday, wanting to feel the night air on our cheeks, the ocean at night. Or huddled in my room on a Friday laughing about anything and everything. Even sometimes a party where everyone’s having a good time and you can’t help but feel caught in the moment.
So maybe feeling infinite is about feeling alive and euphoric amidst normality.